Few days back my birthday was! As usual Alan never remembers my birthday only remember his( he said he remember it but forget that day only!), everyone remembers his! When I was a child I mean my home town in Korea, my birthday was celebrated too, not as big as my brother’s (whole village affair) mine was family and close relative affair. This were I knew: “I am a girl he is a boy”
At the dawn, the ritual begins. My grandmamma wake me up, bathed and made me wear new traditional dress( made from new fabric, not from trimming!), made it herself, beautiful finery crafted needle work; lots of geometry flowery patterned embroidery. I was growing up fast so she had to made new one every year. I could wear festival seasons whole year, that was ok. Mind you most of my daily cloth were also made from her- I was dismayed she made me wear these. All of my friend wearing new nice cloths from shops. Old old fabric of old trimming stuff, there were plenty, never ran out. Namugunsambosal, years years she was waiting for my arrival with her sewing machine, embroidery kit and piles of ancient silk cotton trimmings ready! I was traumatized by handmade, you can tell, out of date- acutely they never brought me new cloths, full of hand me down old old cloths. Until I went away from home, had to wear these. I protest few times but she never gave in. School holidays when I came home when I find them in drawers nicely tucked away and waiting for another “me” arrival! Probably her wish was I become a bit of girly grily one- clean tidy, not talk back and bit of even tempered. But I knew she wouldn’t barter me anything whole this world for sure!
Anyway, we went to the altar room. Before ritual begins, she said to me, you could ask the ancestral ghosts whatever your birthday wishes are!” I asked her, saying ‘I have so many of them, they could possible listen and remember all my wishes, they might forget so that I could write them down on paper!” She ensured that all the godly ghosts are remember every wishes you are making, that is why they are ghosts. And she says “bow!” soft but very authoritative voice and hard to disobey, so I bowed deeply-followed her motion -four corners- ten thousand gods for our clans’ weathered colored portrays and their life recorded on rice paper binding books, which was elected in a lined the altar- prosperity and our well being. Her bow was graceful and my bows clumsy full flat bow! I wondered how she could so clean all time while I was so scrubby all time! Her coiffed hairline and face actually very graceful. Orchid in a way. Candles, burning scent sticks, moldy wooden smells, well polished wooden floors and water jars and flowers, all but solemn air. Could hear birds sings, cows lungful cry and dogs barking, as summer was breasts feeding at cobalt shoreline. Recite a birthday chants. All focus on me. Something slimier to this; the entire respectable blessed dear dearest, very honorable (wouldn’t dare to violate ghosts!) Ancestral ghosts take away all sorrows and bad things from our family and blessing with prosperity and brings many good things. Happiness this fine day, this child was born with your blessing! Bless her forever! We are very grateful for your endorsement this finest clan’s “property”, dear ghosts, sacred ghosts, please looking after her all the way her journey, make sure she is walking a straight line! With your wisdom and guidance, she grows with virtue, goodness and honor, blamelessness human being so that she added the shininess to our clan… endowed her wisdom… bula blua… while she was chanting I was counting all the good things happen that day. She could keep going hours but I made a little groin for soreness of motionless sitting…she ended ritual much shorter than her own usually. After all my birthday! Discipline gone off window! O he he … I turned out be a finest eyes to see the most wicked side of things in the world… zigzag... all these swearing…she could die with shame! ha haha so what!… obviously our dear ancestral ghosts blessed me many ways for sure, or another ways!- I could get my pocket money as a gift! Visitors gave me too! Later I could write my wishes list: allow me buy some chewing gum(I was never allowed chew them but one of girl our neighbors always bubbled her mouth) and they don’t eat my favorite rabbits and chickens, they allowed me keep my rainbow snakes lizards and frogs- but they ate my rabbits and chickens, never allowed me keep snakes at home!- able to read lots of cartoon and story books, not much school, not wearing socks …etc…on a piece of paper and laid the squawky altar table, deep deep bows few times and saying please dear ghosts don’t forget my wishes and granted them to me generously.
Anyway this year, my birthday, no one cooked for my favorite traditional dishes and rice cakes, pancakes so instead I went out for myself, had a nice dinner with few glasses of pinot noir, who set rule I break the rule, rules are for the break, I can drink whatever I want I am not following you god-dammed civilized rules. Grumbling again myself. After dinner felt little good so I went a Greek pastry shop, brought my favorite a pecan pie and a macadamia nut pie(kind of ) and came home and few glass of wine with sad sag music. Crunched crunch nuts nuts tasty like rice cakes- smell of soft sesame seed oil smells all these tasty oyster, fish pan cakes and charcoal grilled big prawns! Hot summer day under cool peach tree, the sky comes with stars as guests at grand summer shaded banquet table, gorged myself again with full of pocket money with happiness! I grumbled myself “all of you will be terribly sorry!”
